Thursday, April 12, 2012

Indian Politicians Place $2000 Bounty On Marauding Vampires

The villages around the Indian town of Dharmapuri are in the midst of an unusual problem. Unsubstantiated reports of vampires draining cattle have frightened entire communities such that residents are staying off the streets after sunset. To quell the spread of this unmitigated bullpucky, local politicians have placed a price on these nonexistent vampires' heads. Evidence of a re-dead vampire (or a Ratha Kaatteri) nets an amateur Van Helsing 1 lakh of rupees, or a smidge under $2000.
But what if these fictional slain vampires turn into dust? Couldn't this reward also backfire terribly and lead to bands of unruly anti-vampire vigilantes looking to bag a real-life Khooni Dracula? Politician O. Jayaraman was notably silent on both issues in a conversation with the Deccan Chronicle: It is a big hoax. Anti-socials whose illegal night activities such as bootlegging and liquor brewing have been disturbed are spreading rumours and killing cattle [...] Since people are not willing to believe us, we have challenged them with this reward. I'm not sure this is a promising policy innovation. If the state of Washington implemented a equally entrepreneurial approach to Bigfoot, the newly minted Office of Sasquatch Affairs would immediately be inundated with a century's worth of shaky footage of pine trees and magic trumpets.